Inspired by mitokondrion, I decided to recall the little experiment yours sincerely tried while he was part-timing and part of the morning rush-hour MRT crowd.

Every morning is the same old routine of trying to get oneself squeezed into the sardine tin can. And if one manages to get in, one now has to be worried about where to place one’s gaze.

Place your gaze on a person and you are greeted back with the Great Singapore Scowl.

“Why are you staring at me?”

If you’re a guy and your gaze lands on a lady, you are automatically classified as either:

1) Trying to pick up the lady
2) A lecherous guy savoring on a eye candy
3) Just plain rude
4) All of the above

It’s worst if your gaze lands on a man, you will be labeled as:

1) Trying to pick up a fight
2) Just plain rude
3) All of the above

So, all the while, every passenger in the cabin directs their gaze to a spot where no one is, the total area which is, pathetically small.

In any case, if just a gaze itself is interpreted as such, it is unthinkable if you try to strike a conversation.

Stubornly, I tried.

I started with aunties, obviously, because aunties won’t think that you’re picking them up. Usually, it’s Hokkien with the starter line being, “Wow. You buy so much stuff. Cooking a big meal ah?”

And they will ratter on about their sons, daughters, what they are cooking…. blah…

It’s interesting though. It feels good.

Sometimes…. just sometimes, I’ll be lucky enough to have some lady reading a novel I’ve read (or I’ve some knowledge about) and I’ll go, “How do you find the book?”

But, actually, the hardest part is to make eye contact first without being labeled as a buaya (Malay for “crocodile” - or somebody trying a pickup. See definition). Once that’s established, it’s easier.

As a principle, I never probe for personal details and never asked for their number. Usually the conversation revolves around neutral topics and their favourite authors. That’s how you gain trust. Though, sometimes I feel like I’m an idiot for not doing so.

I never had success with guys though, only those old enough to be my grandpa, which is strange. Once, I tried to talk to a male, middle-aged Caucasian, thinking that he should be more conversant than Asians and, boy, was I wrong. I was simply ignored.

Most of the time, if you’ve established a certain presence in the train, picked up enough clues about your target and established eye contact, you should be able to chat someone up. I believe if you approach with a no-strings attached attitude and with absolute sincerity, it should work.

Go ahead, try. Even if you don’t succeed, it’s great training. Otherwise, you have just made your train ride so much more meaningful for yourself and one other person.

It’s one small step for you, one great move to eradicating the Great Singapore Scowl.